Today was wonderful in many ways, yet horrible in a few key instances. Shall we start with the horrible?
1. "MADI, did you know we have an exam in geography today?!" Uh oh. Of course I would neglect my syllabus and thus fail to notice that there was an exam scheduled today. And of course it would occur in the class that I rarely attend as of late. So basically I had only learned about half of the material, had an hour to cram in between classes, and was totally insecure about my ability to do well on this exam. I feel like I had to guess on about half of the test, but I am a pretty good test taker so let's hope I received a miracle today.
2. "Oh crap, where are my car keys?" Yep. During FHE at Golfland tonight, at the end of our round I noticed that my car keys had jumped from my pocket at some point. So Vanie and I had to go on a putt putt scavenger hunt and look for my keys. Thank goodness Vanie is amazing and found them, but boy oh boy was I freaking out for a good fifteen minutes!
Happiness :)
1.My Latter-Day Hymns Institute class was amazing. I love what I learn in that class and I love the discuss we have in there.
2. I had a delicious lunch today of ribs and a baked potato, leftover from last night's birthday dinner at my mom's house.
3. I got to sit and chat with Brother Hofeling today about some scripture questions I had, got to play his beautiful 12-string guitar, and listened to Bro. Hof read a talk to me that punked all single male adults in the church, get em' Bro. Hof, lol.
4. I was able to go run today :) I went before FHE since it seemed really cool out today, but I had to run against the wind the whole time and felt like crap by the time I had finished the two miles from my apartment on Priest to In-N-Out where I get a big delicious glass of water.
5. Unexpected Success in an area that I am surely unskilled at. ;)
6. Driving to FHE with the roommates was fun; singing the hymns at the top of our lungs and laughing and joking the whole way. I am so appreciative of them. I honestly don't think I could be happier living with anyone else (except maybe a super amazing husband one day). They are so selfless and righteous and I really wish I could be a better roommate to them. Sometimes I get crabby after so much school and work and stress, but hopefully I can turn my frown upside down and be nicer.
7. Discovery. For awhile I have been having a hard time getting myself to wind down and fall asleep, but recently I have discovered a sure fire way to knock me out. Everytime I play the acoustic rendition of "Hey Ya" I get soooo sleeping, I even fell asleep sitting in my bed once with my guitar across my lap. This is great because I can finally get to sleep, but bad because I love playing this song but I hate falling asleep in the middle of it.
Life is on the up and up.
Love, Madi
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Too old to be a "teenage dirtbag", yet a year closer to being "21 and invincible"
Yep, today is my 20th birthday, wowzas. Today started off pretty great, church, friend, family, happiness. I got to spend the afternoon with various family members and friends in Avondale, dragging my roommates along the whole way. I had to really laugh at the gift I received from my younger sister: two sacks full of groceries. I had previously told her that I was too poor to buy groceries, so she solved this by getting me some today, which I really really appreciate, it will be nice to eat something other than turkey and cheese sandwiches lol. I also have the best former home teacher ever, Mr. Jerod Hartley, who got me tickets to go see Anberlin for my birthday and I am super stoked to do that, since I haven't been to a show since high school. I am very thankful for so many friends who care about me, perhaps more than I deserve sometimes, and for all of the kind words I received today. :)
I have been caught up in too-deep thought today. I hate days when I find myself thinking way too much. Some thoughts include: the fact that it took me 18 years to find true happiness (through my conversion) and that I really wish I could have found it sooner; I really really feel like sitting alone outside, somewhere somewhat pretty, and just play my guitar and sing, which is a difficult task in itself since I am rather unskilled; the bishop's talk today on the importance of marriage, "just do it", and the conclusions and concerns I am drawing from that; I cannot do everything on my own, and although it is one of hardest things for my stubborn self to do, I have to ask for help, which I did today, and feel extremely yucky about losing a portion of my independency; I am not happy with school, which makes me wonder if I am in the right field, since I dislike 4/5 of my classes; my apartment is way too messy, and I really wish I had more time to devote to cleanliness, but I barely have time to sleep at this point let alone clean; I am feeling this void in my life, it is a very obvious void, only obvious in the fact that I know it exists, because I have no idea what that void is and I really wish I could fill it; I wish I had more time to go running, I miss that freedom so much; Even though it is my 20th birthday, I feel like it is my 30th, ok that's an exaggeration, maybe my 26th lol, just because I have so much on my plate and can feel my childhood slipping through my fingers. I rememeber being so carefree, excited about just life in general, funny, and always wearing a smile, yet lately I feel like I am drained of joy, sleep, and sunshine. oh boy. way too deep thought today. It's my birthday and I will cry if I want to, ha ha.
Love, Madi
I have been caught up in too-deep thought today. I hate days when I find myself thinking way too much. Some thoughts include: the fact that it took me 18 years to find true happiness (through my conversion) and that I really wish I could have found it sooner; I really really feel like sitting alone outside, somewhere somewhat pretty, and just play my guitar and sing, which is a difficult task in itself since I am rather unskilled; the bishop's talk today on the importance of marriage, "just do it", and the conclusions and concerns I am drawing from that; I cannot do everything on my own, and although it is one of hardest things for my stubborn self to do, I have to ask for help, which I did today, and feel extremely yucky about losing a portion of my independency; I am not happy with school, which makes me wonder if I am in the right field, since I dislike 4/5 of my classes; my apartment is way too messy, and I really wish I had more time to devote to cleanliness, but I barely have time to sleep at this point let alone clean; I am feeling this void in my life, it is a very obvious void, only obvious in the fact that I know it exists, because I have no idea what that void is and I really wish I could fill it; I wish I had more time to go running, I miss that freedom so much; Even though it is my 20th birthday, I feel like it is my 30th, ok that's an exaggeration, maybe my 26th lol, just because I have so much on my plate and can feel my childhood slipping through my fingers. I rememeber being so carefree, excited about just life in general, funny, and always wearing a smile, yet lately I feel like I am drained of joy, sleep, and sunshine. oh boy. way too deep thought today. It's my birthday and I will cry if I want to, ha ha.
Love, Madi
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I'm going there today!
This week has been an interesting one. One filled with sleeping through alarms, staying up way too late doing homework, working (but not as much as usual thank goodness), and the strange onset of daily headaches and sometimes dizziness. I know that all of these are a result of me overworking myself, but the good news is that my boss told me that he is worried about me and cut my hours to 25 a week. I appreciate that he cares about my well-being enough to know that I needed my hours cut but was too afraid to ask, he even offered to buy me bread to make the sandwiches I bring to work everyday, what a great guy! So, yesterday I was pretty much feeling like the scum of the earth, I don't know why but I just felt worthless. Last night I went to the temple to do baptisms with Jerod and every stress, worry, and insecurity seemed to escape as soon as I walked through the doors. I left feeling overcome with peace, joy, and the confidence that I can make it through these hard times I am having. I love the temple, and am going to going at least once a week from now on, which is what I did all last semester but couldn't find the time this summer and have sorely missed the blessings that come from regular temple work. I got out of class early and don't have any homework today so I am going with Vanie to the temple, it will be her first time going and I am so honored to share the experience with her :)
Love, Madi
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Becoming something I can't define
This week has been pretty intense, no surprise there. Everyday is the same cycle of school, work, then about 5 hours of sleep. It is getting old reaaaal fast. I am seriously contemplating just getting in my car and driving. My birhtday is at the end of the month and I will get a three day weekend off work, so maybe I will drive myself to the beach, so I can just relax and recoop.
Today in my theater class we started learning about improvisation and we had to do an activity where we are given a topic and had to improv the situation with a partner. It was hilarious. Example:
Instructions: Person A has a crush on person b and you are at a school dance. person a has to try and get person b to dance with them, while person b does not want to dance yet does not want to hurt the other persons feelings.
Julia (A): So, are you having a good time?
Me (B): Ehh it's ok, I am not really into dances
Julia: Well do you like this song?
Madi: I actually have never heard it before
Julia: Really? It's on the radio all the time
Madi: Oh, well I don't listen to the radio, I only listen to my grandparents recordings of organ music
Julia: Oh, well can you dance to organ music?
Madi: Nope, you can only think, deep thoughts, to organ music
Julia: Well, maybe you can try dancing to this song anyways
Madi: Actually I have a doctor's note, no dancing whatsoever tonight
Julia: Why?
Madi: I recently had my left leg amputated, and the doctor said if I dance on my prosthetic leg that it would fall off and disintegrate.
My partner was just dying laughing, we had such a blast.
Last night I went running with my beautiful roommate, Katie Bug, and we were just talking about how much we have changed within the last year, and I realized that slowly I am turning into the kind of person I always envied in high school, the person I wanted to become so badly. The kind of girl who can lay on a bench in the middle of campus and just listen to her ipod, without worrying what other people think; the kind of girl who can be exactly who she wants to be, whether its thoughtful and reserved one day or weird, random and loud the next; the kind of girl who feels a real, true relationship with her loving Heavenly Father (finally, I have been searching for this for years); the kind of girl who feels absolutely free and independent as she coasts on her longboard; the kind of girl who feels confident in herself even when she is beet red and drenched in sweat after a run; the kind of girl who has real friends who she feels 100% comfortable with and who she can't imagine her life without; the kind of girl who sings at the top of her lungs, no matter who is listening; the kind of girl who has absolutely no idea what life will be like in the next 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, 6 months, or even 6 weeks, yet has a perfect knowledge that all things will be for her good and trusts in the one who holds her life in His hands.
I love my life. Every sleepless night, every awkward stumble into a lecture that has started without me, every flat tire/broken water heater/power outage/burned out tail light, every aching muscle after a ten hour shift at work. It's a difficult journey at times, but it would be so much harder if I didn't learn to enjoy every moment of it.
Love, Madi
Today in my theater class we started learning about improvisation and we had to do an activity where we are given a topic and had to improv the situation with a partner. It was hilarious. Example:
Instructions: Person A has a crush on person b and you are at a school dance. person a has to try and get person b to dance with them, while person b does not want to dance yet does not want to hurt the other persons feelings.
Julia (A): So, are you having a good time?
Me (B): Ehh it's ok, I am not really into dances
Julia: Well do you like this song?
Madi: I actually have never heard it before
Julia: Really? It's on the radio all the time
Madi: Oh, well I don't listen to the radio, I only listen to my grandparents recordings of organ music
Julia: Oh, well can you dance to organ music?
Madi: Nope, you can only think, deep thoughts, to organ music
Julia: Well, maybe you can try dancing to this song anyways
Madi: Actually I have a doctor's note, no dancing whatsoever tonight
Julia: Why?
Madi: I recently had my left leg amputated, and the doctor said if I dance on my prosthetic leg that it would fall off and disintegrate.
My partner was just dying laughing, we had such a blast.
Last night I went running with my beautiful roommate, Katie Bug, and we were just talking about how much we have changed within the last year, and I realized that slowly I am turning into the kind of person I always envied in high school, the person I wanted to become so badly. The kind of girl who can lay on a bench in the middle of campus and just listen to her ipod, without worrying what other people think; the kind of girl who can be exactly who she wants to be, whether its thoughtful and reserved one day or weird, random and loud the next; the kind of girl who feels a real, true relationship with her loving Heavenly Father (finally, I have been searching for this for years); the kind of girl who feels absolutely free and independent as she coasts on her longboard; the kind of girl who feels confident in herself even when she is beet red and drenched in sweat after a run; the kind of girl who has real friends who she feels 100% comfortable with and who she can't imagine her life without; the kind of girl who sings at the top of her lungs, no matter who is listening; the kind of girl who has absolutely no idea what life will be like in the next 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, 6 months, or even 6 weeks, yet has a perfect knowledge that all things will be for her good and trusts in the one who holds her life in His hands.
I love my life. Every sleepless night, every awkward stumble into a lecture that has started without me, every flat tire/broken water heater/power outage/burned out tail light, every aching muscle after a ten hour shift at work. It's a difficult journey at times, but it would be so much harder if I didn't learn to enjoy every moment of it.
Love, Madi
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
"Ok to get there just climb down a rope, crawl down this tunnel that resembles a birth canal.."
That was a direct quote of how to get to the "Sign in" room in the Pepper Sauce Caves on Labor Day. The sad part is that they were not kidding about the birth canal tunnel lol, it was a doozy.
So on Labor a semi-large group of kids from 5th ward, and a Phoenix ward went to the Pepper Sauce Caves, also known as the mud caves, down by Tucson for a little adventure. I had no idea how hard this was actually going to be, but oh boy, I am so incredibly sore today it is a surprise I can function. We got to the caves at around 8am and left around 12ish, covered in mud of course. This was a really fun time, we all were cracking jokes the whole time and it was so neat exploring in these caves. The kids that came from Phoenix were hilarious, and I am really glad I was able to get semi-acquainted with them. I totally did not anticipated how hard it would be to manuever in these caves, but there were times when someone would have to boost you up, people were slipping and falling left and right since it was so wet and slimy, I lost my footing and almost fell to my death (thank goodness Mike caught me). There were a lot of areas where we were pretty much squished into a crevice and inching our way along, or army crawling in really low-ceiling areas, walking through the giant toilet water lake, lol. It sounds pretty gross, but overall it was a good experience and I am really proud of myself for going out of my comfort zone and doing something so out of character, and doing it successfully.
Before
After
So on Labor a semi-large group of kids from 5th ward, and a Phoenix ward went to the Pepper Sauce Caves, also known as the mud caves, down by Tucson for a little adventure. I had no idea how hard this was actually going to be, but oh boy, I am so incredibly sore today it is a surprise I can function. We got to the caves at around 8am and left around 12ish, covered in mud of course. This was a really fun time, we all were cracking jokes the whole time and it was so neat exploring in these caves. The kids that came from Phoenix were hilarious, and I am really glad I was able to get semi-acquainted with them. I totally did not anticipated how hard it would be to manuever in these caves, but there were times when someone would have to boost you up, people were slipping and falling left and right since it was so wet and slimy, I lost my footing and almost fell to my death (thank goodness Mike caught me). There were a lot of areas where we were pretty much squished into a crevice and inching our way along, or army crawling in really low-ceiling areas, walking through the giant toilet water lake, lol. It sounds pretty gross, but overall it was a good experience and I am really proud of myself for going out of my comfort zone and doing something so out of character, and doing it successfully.
Before
After
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