Eulogy

For my Public Speaking class we had to do a special occasion speech, so I decided to do a Eulogy. Enjoy. :)

My friends, it is with a heavy heart that I speak on behalf of our deceased friend… Facebook. I am sure it all came as a shock to us when Facebook was diagnosed with the swine flu and found dead only days later. Today I would like for us all to cherish the great times we had with Facebook, and fear not, for we truly can move on.
Facebook was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts on February 4th, 2004 and is survived by his creators, Mark Zuckerberg, Dustin Moskovitz, and Chris Hughes. These three men created Facebook while attending Harvard University, originally for the use of Harvard students only. The original Facebook was a simple application where the ID photos of students were placed two at a time next to each other and users would choose which student they found to be “hotter”. Mark Zuckerberg was able to create this site by hacking into the protected areas of the Harvard computer network and copy the student ID photos. As we all know, Facebook became loved and sought after by students nationwide and became a common name in every household.
Facebook and I had so many amazing experiences together that it is so difficult to just speak of a few. My most fond memories came late at night as I spent time with Facebook, perusing the photos of my classmates and acquaintances, reading the conversations that occurred throughout the day between my friends, and searching diligently for new friends who may have accounts with Facebook. Facebook never failed to distract me from the stresses of real life and allowed me to waste the little amount of free time I had.
Facebook also aided me in becoming more of a socialite while in college. With the use of the “events” application I was able to know what parties were scheduled for this weekend and create an agenda for myself several days prior to the weekend. The only downside to the “events” application was deciding how to kindly reject invitations to events that I would never be caught dead at. I have learned, however, that the best way to avoid any hurt feelings, or an obligation to attend that girl’s ridiculously lamesauce party is to simply RVSP with a “maybe”. By doing so, the host of the party will not be upset that you rejected the event they so painstakingly created, yet they will not be angry with you if you decide not to show, which we all know you really weren’t planning on doing anyways.
Finally, one of the most memorable moments I shared with Facebook was one of the many times my so called “friends” logged onto my account and created havoc under my good name. The one that truly made me cringe then, but laugh about now, was the time 3 of my friends teamed up to change my status. I will never forget coming home from work at about 2 in the morning, logging onto Facebook, and being shocked to find an irregular and enormous amount of comments on my status. As I investigated further I saw that my status had been changed to “Madison is upset that she has wet her bed AGAIN after her afternoon nap.” Not only was my status changed, but my friends had changed theirs as well so that mine would seem more believable. Their status’ read: “Abby is out buying Depends for Madison,” “Matt wishes he knew how to help Madi with her bed-wetting problem,” and “Katie is the only friend Madison has left”. Good times.
Although Facebook only lived to be 5 years old, he touched the lives of over 200 million people worldwide. I ask that you do not mourn this terrible and unexpected loss, but that you always remember the hours upon hours you personally spent with Facebook, and to seek diligently for new ways to waste your time in his honor.