What a year..

Today is the day I have both anticipated, and dreaded, for well..a year: the one year anniversary of my baptism into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Anticipated because this milestone proves to me that this is something I can do, although it has been hard at times, and Satan loves to do everything in his power to try and throw me off track, thus far I have maintained my death grip on the iron rod.

I am also pleasantly suprised at how much I have changed, and how much those who I come into close contact with have somewhat changed. A year ago today my family saw my baptism as a phase, something they did not approve of nor did they understand, but after a year I think they are finally realizing that it was a life-long decision, and they are beginning to respect my values and alter their behavior in order to accommodate my standards. My dad has probably shocked me the most. A year ago he was slandering the church and mainly our beliefs on the Book of Mormon and on Joseph Smith, but lately I see a change in him, I think he is at peace with my decision to join the church, and may even respect my decision. Recently my grandmother, my father's mother, heard the news that I was now a Mormon and spoke to my dad about it, and expressed that she wanted to sit me down and talk to me about this choice as soon as we get to Illinois this upcoming week. My dad gave me the heads up and said he has told his mother that she could not argue with me or attack me on the subject. I am so grateful that even though he doesn't understand why I chose to join the church, and doesn't understand our beliefs, he loves me enough to trust my decision and defend it. I am so grateful for that, and I really hope one day he will let his guard down a little bit and let me express to him why the church is so amazing, and how much of a good it has worked within me.

Recently at work a new manager was transferred to my store, Mando, but he was not new to me because I had worked with him about a year ago in Avondale. While waiting for it to be 5 o'clock, time to clock in, someone at work had jokingly said how mean I was, and Mando didn't really laugh, probably because I kind of was mean last year. The Madison that works in Tempe is waaaay different than the Madison who worked in Avondale. At my old store I would complain all the time, and I would get so stressed out and frustrated that I would just snap at the people I worked with. The only thing that could explain this change in my work habits is the church. Through the gospel I learned of patience, kindness, obedience, and started unknowingly applying them to every aspect of my life, including my crazy job at In-N-Out. I also applied these gospel principles to the way I treat my family and friends. This one is still a challenge sometimes. I am a very very independent person. I enjoy time with just myself, I do not rely on friends or family to make me happy but choose to create my own happiness, which is a good trait but it kind of makes me a bad friend. I love my friends and family but because I have always been so dang independent I have a hard time putting forth the effort to call my friends/family just for no reason other than to show that I love them. But now that I have the church I think I am working more at being a better friend, and family member, and I think my family really sees that change in me. They would look so surprised when I would call just to tell them I love them, or when I would give them a big hug whenever I would see them. I hope I can continue to grow in this area, and give my family a great example of what the church is all about.

Dreaded because I have now ended my reign as "a new convert". I think that term when applied to me felt like a sign I wore around my neck that would explain to everyone why I am so stupid when it comes to gospel knowledge. I was really hoping by now that I would be like a scripture encyclopedia, but of course that would be ridiculous, but still, I feel like I know pretty much nothing in comparison to those who were raised in the church. Especially church jargon, I get things so messed up somtimes, and now I will have no excuse when I make the mistake of telling someone that I am a home teacher, which I have done lol. So, I guess the goal for this year, besides the obvious one of just growing spiritually and becoming more like Christ, would be to blend in. Since my convertness won't save me anymore, I need to catch up and gain enough knowledge so that when I speak in church or in institute people won't think "convert" or "idiot". I realize that I relate way way way too many things to my conversion or my baptism and I need to have new spiritual experiences that will make my baptism seem like I was just dipping my toes into the spiritual swimming pool..this year I need to do a cannon ball!

I hope after reading my ridiculous memoirs of being a has-been convert, you will know how much I am truly grateful for this gospel and the church itself. I am so thankful for all of the churhc leadership, for their wisdom in advice and compassion, love, and concern in their teachings, but most of all for the priesthood they hold. I cannot even count how many times I have gone to home teachers, institute teachers, sunday school teachers, ward mission leaders, missionaries, and so on for a priesthood blessing. Each time I receive a blessing, my faith in the priesthood, and in a loving Heavenly Father, just sky rockets. I also have grown to appreciate the Book of Mormon, more than I have ever appreciated any piece of literature. After recently reading 3rd Nephi for the first time, mainly the part where the multitude comes unto Jesus to feel his wounds, to know of a surety that He is the Christ, wow, what an amazing experience! (I don't know why the heck the missionaries didn't just have me read this on day one!)I love this gospel. I love this church. I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I love my life.



And I love you all, Madison